How many of you reading this are victims of someone’s actions, which cause you to hold a grudge and harbor resentment or vengeance towards him or her? How many of you are holding a grudge so big that it affects your daily thinking? It affects your actions and your feelings. How has holding a grudge or having resentment towards others served you? Does it make you happier? Does it help you go grow as a person? Does it make you a better person? Think about it, what good is it doing you?
Have you ever said….. “How could they do this to me?” “How could they hurt me like this?” “I can’t forgive them for this!” “I hope they DIE!” “Karma’s a B@#ch”…. Does that make you feel better? When you hope someone dies, can you actually hear yourself wishing death upon someone?
So, you are mad, right? I’m sure you have validated the way you feel to yourself and others many, many times. Grudges and resentment is a stress response, its poison to the mind hindering performance and the ability to use your brain wisely. When we get stressed, our natural thought process is greatly affected and may cause you to make bad decisions or create actions that have massive ramifications on the rest of your life.
What you are experiencing is fight-or-flight. Did you know this experience, especially holding long term contributes to high blood pressure and even heart disease? As mentioned before, holding a grudge is the same as holding onto stress!
So what do we do about this?
- First and foremost, we must learn to let go and forgive. What? “I’m not forgiving THAT A$$hole!!!!”, “They deserve every bit of it!!” . Yes, we must find it within us to forgive. When we do forgive we actually change the way we process information and how we feel in a positive way. Forgiving someone doesn't do ANYTHING at all for the person who offender, it is for YOU!
- It can be easy for use to assume we understand the offenders’ perspective however, do you really know what it is? There have been many times I was yelled out for something out of my control. There is one in particular that I recall being yelled out because something didn’t work for a physician. He lit me up one side and down the other. I could have easily fired right back at him for being inappropriate, why though? I totally understood where he was coming from. He had a valid point however his approach was horrible. Honestly, I could relate to him. In doing so, I didn’t take it personal. I understood his perspective and empathized with him. You see, empathy has a really neat way of pulling people away from the ledge.
- In order to forgive we must accept it as it is, not as our emotions want to make it. Our fight-or-flight instincts want to take over and we want to respond. Don’t! What you say or do can cause significantly more damage to all involved and last a lifetime.
- Understand that we are all human and that we all make mistakes. Just let it go and stay positive. No one can take away your happiness or make you feel a certain way without your permission. If its your decision to hold a grudge, it is your body that is holding the poison and spewing it in your words and your actions. You could end up hurting other people and even those you love the most..
Choose your actions, responses and words wisely and forgive often! Forgiving others is Empowering!