As a parent, we see the world differently. If you are a
parent, you can certainly understand what I mean. I remember a very good friend of mine making
a comment to me, “This world is mad” he said.
For many reasons, I must agree. The amount of hatred, jealousy and
negativity around us has driven our world absolutely mad.
The minute he said that to me was an “ahah” moment. As I was driving home this weekend, I looked
back to see my daughter asleep in the back seat. It was a peaceful image that is far different
than the one our world is teaching.
Our world is teaching children and adults to judge based on
appearance, social status and the “stuff” that we have. It’s almost certain that you or your child
have experienced or have been bullied in your lifetime. If a child is overweight/underweight, wear
glasses, have different clothing, part of a minority group, go to a new school or are unable to buy the
“cool” things for your child, he/she is at a higher risk of being bullied.
This world is mad, jealous and hateful to the
tune of approximately 2.1 million bullies and over 2.5 million victims.
Children who bully other children lead to bullying in their
adult life and unfortunately, bullying is one of the leading causes of death in
children 14 years and younger. We, as
parents, have the biggest opportunity to end bullying. If nothing else, we have
the ability to equip our children with the means of surviving. I thought I
would share the things I do with my daughter to equip her with the tools needed
to live in this world.
1.
Talk to your child about bullying
a.
I talk to my daughter about bullying and why
children do it. As with most things, the
more open we are with our children and inform them of what bullying is, the
better chances are they can see it before it happens and possibly avoid it.
2.
Show your children sufficient attention
a.
Psychology tells us jealousy comes from a lack
of sufficient attention. As
carefreeparenting.com states, jealously does not arise because the parents are
paying more attention to someone else; but because they have not paid enough
attention to the child. Honestly, I come
home sometimes and want to lay on the couch doing nothing. When my daughter comes up to me and ask to
play a game of UNO, I can’t be selfish and say no. I too have to make sure that she has quality
time with me as well. Maybe one day I
can beat her, it doesn’t happen often.
3.
Positive reinforcement
a.
Let your child know they are doing a great job
and never compare them to their siblings or others. My daughter thrives off this. I also love the feeling I get when she sees I
am happy with her.
4.
Teach your children to admire differences
a.
Everyone is different, a simple fact we all
know. Think of Ray Charles. Sure is he blind however his gift in music is
without question. Avoid conversations pointing
out differences to others with your children.
I talk to my daughter like I talk to adults. I don’t treat her any different and that
includes this subject. We talk about
difference and that they are what make each of us unique. I’ve even asked her what she thinks the world
would be like if everyone was the same.
She just looked at me, haha.
5.
Teach your child their self-worth, increase
self-esteem
a.
Self-worth and self-esteem can be boosted by
getting your children involved in activities, having them experience
disappointment and allowing them to make mistakes. This is massive. Often times, we fear failure even though we
get more success from failure than without it.
Allowing my daughter to fail is hard yet required.
6.
Be positive
a.
The negativity, hatred and jealousy can be
offset with a positive mindset. Be
positive about everything, I assure you, this will change the way your child
looks at our world. I am a positive
person and squash my daughters negative comments immediately. Even the thought of negative remarks in our
mind can lead us to do things we shouldn’t do.
7.
Show your child unconditional love
a.
In the world of instant gratification, it is
important to show your value in hard work.
I try my best to always recognize the hard work my daughter puts
in. Even when she does something that
gets her in trouble and I send her to her room.
I always go back, sit with her on her bed and talk to her about what she
did and how we can avoid it in the future.
I never get up without telling her how much I love her and how special
she is. Then we hug. It really is the best thing ever when she
smiles after getting into trouble - the
power of love.
8.
Teach the use of “No”
a.
As parents, we do not like for our children to
say no to us but there are plenty of times in which “No” should be used, even
to adults. Help them understand the
difference, there is a difference.
9.
Teach your child about god and the bible
a.
You don’t have to be religious or even spiritual
to learn from a bible. Even if it is to
“do unto others as you want done to you”.
10. Practice what you preach
a. I saved this one for last as I feel it is the most powerful of all. I teach my daughter not only by the words I speak but also my actions. My thinking is simple, if I put my actions and words together, the result is far stronger than "walking the walk".
These most likely will not keep them from being bullied or
being around negative, jealous or hateful people. I can only hope however, it hopefully will
give them the tools and confidence to handle the situation appropriately. Interestingly enough, these could be used for
adults as well.
Just as a coach prepares their team, parents should prepare
their children. The tools are right in front of us and
don't cost a dime All you have to do
is… DO IT! What do
you say?
If you do other things that are not on my list, I would love
for you to share them below. I am always
looking for more tools to help our children grow strong and confident.
The video below is amazing and sends a very powerful message. I hope you take the 15 minutes needed to watch..