Can you believe? It is almost 2016. Man, does time fly by! Let us make 2016 even better by talking through some thoughts on dating and something that has been on my mind lately.
I once heard someone tell me that men avoid red flags (even though they see them) until after they get into a relationships with that person then things spiral out of control where as women (see the flags and) work to shield off those individuals and then at some point, they give in and totally forget about the flags they originally saw while their friends are saying "ARE YOU CRAZY!?"..
What do you do when there are red flags?
- When you see one, address it. Often times we, out of the avoidance of conflict, brush them under the rug while they run around our minds like the tasmanian devil. Be kind in conversating about it though. The key to a healthy relationships is communication and if you can't have some of those crucial conversations, a hard road lies ahead. If you speak inquisitively about it and the other person takes offense to it, take note, this may become a bigger issue later.
- What you accept, you teach. if you let it go, they will continue. You teach people every day how you act towards you.
- Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Just because they have a red flag doesn't mean anything other than they are human. You will never find someone to fit your laundry list of needs. Everyone has at least one red flag, just discuss it openly and move on with your relationship. If you boot them for a red flag without discussing it, you may have missed something magical by not working through it and creating an even better bond. What may be a red flag might simply be a misunderstanding. We see the world as we are not as other see it. This means what we think is a red flag, after talking about it, was a perception issue and quickly fixable.
- Listen to your gut
- If you sense something is wrong, don't ignore it. Look into it and recognize if this gut feeling is valid or something else going on. Your first gut feelings is usually a good indicator. It is when we let the mind get into the process that gut feelings can get overturned by the heart.
- Sometimes red flags are just too much, this is something that you must worth through. If there is too many issues, maybe ...just maybe its best to not continue. This is a last resort however make sure to do your do diligence on your red flag indicator before shutting it down. Sometimes the best things come from the hardest situations... If nothing else can be done or the other person isn't willing to budge.. its time to move on..
So, what does it take to have better relationships?
- Learn to enjoy being single
- I think this is first and foremost. When we enjoy being single, we have thus learned that we can be happy on our own. We can fulfill our own needs therefore we don't rely on other to do it for us. We must be able to take care of our own needs before getting into a healthy relationship. Living a happy single life is absolutely step one to better relationships.
- Know what is important to you
- Do you value honesty, integrity? Know what you feel is important and should be the standard for which you set. Just remember the higher you set the bar, the less likely you are to achieve something above the bar. Keep is simple and while looks are important to some extent.. focusing on looks alone can cause a tremendous amount of problems later on.
- Choose someone who is optimistic
- You become that in which you hang around the most. A quick glance as someones social media account can validate their normal mental state. If they post a bunch of negative things, this could be signs of other issues. This isn't always true however positive people can find the silver lining in someone as sad as death
- Be the person you want to date
- If you want someone who is honest, don't be dishonest. Sounds easy enough but shooo.. its not always. Be what you want to be and you will attract like people. I truly believe in this.
Lets be honest, we all have our flags.. To one person, one of your traits is a flag while to someone else, it isn't at all. We are all human and must communicate with each other in a way the other person can understand. Not everyone communicates the same! Be open minded, you never know just how well it will pay off in the end!