Here are some lessons I have had to learn...the hard way! The last one is one I have recognized that many women are not aware of. I wanted to include it to offer some insight.
- Women want you to listen to them
- Men are “fixers” and don’t listen well. When our girlfriend/wife comes up to us with their problems, we want to automatically start breaking down the problem and offering them our greatest fix. The problem is, they don’t want us to fix it. They want us to listen. So Men – Sit back and listen to them without offering any fix at all *unless asked* – especially about girl things. Instead, empathize with her.
- You will never find someone who meets your grocery list of needs.
- If you sat down and wrote a list of needs your partner must have, you will find it impossible to meet someone that checks off every bullet point. If you continue to look for the “Unicorn”, you will be single forever. Instead of looking for someone to meet every need, rewrite the list of MUST haves. For example – Trustworthy, Loyal, Loving, has their own life. And look for people that meet those. Honestly, society has taught us what “we want” whereas most of us, internally, want to be loved, appreciated and accepted for who we are.
- Pick your battles
- Not everything is truly worth fighting about HOWEVER, if you do feel one is important to discuss, give it a little time before doing so. I know, you want to talk about it now yet if you give it a bit of time, you will find that your discussion about the situation is generally more meaningful. In the heat of the moment, emotions are on high alert where you could find the situation escalating to a point of no return. A house on fire is a bad time to teach fire safety.
- Romance her
- If you don’t know what it takes to romance her…Listen to her, she will tell you all the things she loves. Send her flowers just because or even a little note in her purse that she sees later. Give her meaningful hugs and don’t just kiss her on the lips, a kiss on the forehead, cheek or even her shoulder. Love her! Look her in the eyes and tell her she is beautiful. Understand her acceptable level of PDA and then show it.
- Stay true to who you are
- It is so easy to listen to the person you are with talk about their wants/needs and to begin to “morph” into that person they want. We do this subconsciously in order to retain the relationship. What ends up happening can be two things…1 – your partner could have been confused on what they actually wanted, to the point that when you become that person, they no longer want it or 2- because you are pulling away from your true self, over time you will revert and in the end, things will begin to fall apart as the person “they met” is not the person you are now. Be yourself from the beginning. If they don’t want to be with you because of who you are, you are saving yourself a lot of heartache down the road.
- Men like to be challenged
- “He was interested until he got me, now he isn’t interested anymore. WHY?” Simply put, men like to earn their way. If a woman lays down for them (no backbone) without having to earn it, he will not stick around. Men want to be challenged by women. However, playing hard to get does not work for most men either. Especially if you are looking for a long term relationship. Playing hard to get creates the belief that the woman is independent and confident (when she is not) instead of “being” independent and confident. See #5 above. Playing hard to get is often a weeding out process for women, it helps them understand who is in for the long haul and who isn't... however be aware that you could be weeding out something great.
I'd love to hear what your relationships have taught you!