5 Signs your relationship is secret…


Recently, I had a friend approach me regarding their relationship.  They were trying to make sense of some “actions” they struggled to understand which lead me to write this.  When we get into relationships with people we really like, we oftentimes want to “eat them up.”  We enjoy spending a lot of time with them even to the point our friends start asking “where did our friend go?”.  Sometimes though, it’s the opposite…Here are 5 signs that someone may be trying to keep your relationship, in the dark..


1.       Social Media

As they often say.. It is not official until it is Facebook official.  All too often, I have heard from people who say “They don’t recognize me on Facebook ”.  Maybe they are slow to “add” you as a friend or act like they “didn’t” see your “relationship request”.  Maybe they act strange (hide, remove or get upset) when you tag them in a picture.  If they really want to be with you, they will want the world to know…

2.       Phone

Cell phones have turned into “the little black book” of the 21st century.  Some signs to be aware of.  When you are hanging out, is the phone faced down or up?  Often time (not always) a phone faced down is avoiding the possible scenario of the person they are with seeing something that could cause issues.  Do you ever hear their phone ring?  It is common for someone to keep their ringer off as to not alert you of a text message or call.  Your first thought would be, “your phone just went off, are you going to answer it?” followed by a potentially strange response.  Again, sometimes there is a reason placing your phone on silent but not always.  Another one – Do they take their phone with them to the bathroom?  I have to be honest.. I love to read in the bathroom but… if you are going to potty, do you really need to take it with you?   Do they protect their phone at all cost?  I understand privacy but when you are in a relationship, there is a difference in privacy and “secrecy.”

3.       Friends

Have you ever met any of their friends?  It is one thing if you just started talking, but if you are “dating”, this is different.  If you have, does the person you are with act awkwardly or do they refrain from introducing you to them vs openly introducing you with a smile to everyone?

4.       Dinner

Do they avoid going to dinner in public in the town they live in?  Maybe they say, “Let’s eat in tonight” or “I really don’t feel like going out” or maybe they always recommend going out of town to eat.  Often times, this avoids those awkward times for them when they run into someone they know with you.

5.       Family

If you have been dating for a few months and you still haven’t met the family (bar any physical limitations) , there may be something more going on here.  We often want validation of our partner, friends and family.  If we “fear” they will not take well to our new relationship, we may very well hide them from our family and/friends.  Be aware of this and address it as you feel needed.

In the end – there may be reason for these actions.  If you experience any of these, I ask that you have a “crucial conversation” with them and ask for clarification on its meaning.  If they really care about you, they will not mind the question and a better place can be reached.  If they take it “personal”… well, that is sign #6.  You must first love yourself before others can love you.  If you are experiencing these things and feel like you are being hidden, ask yourself if this is the life you want.  If you love yourself, you will probably say “NO”.  If they take it personally, you may not be able to improve the situation however, if they feel bad for the perception, they will change it… 

Remember that you teach what you accept.